


What Wears at Him

by Just_Another_Day



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst, Communication Issues, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Past Child Sexual Assault, Insomnia, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 16:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19177147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Another_Day/pseuds/Just_Another_Day
Summary: Damen fears that Laurent is refusing to let him share one burden in particular.





	What Wears at Him

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'Insomnia' square of my Bingo card.

Damen was always the first to fall asleep, lulled easily into it by the slight but comforting weight of Laurent's palm resting against his chest, and by the now-familiar curve of Laurent's body slotting against his own. Damen was also never the first to wake in the morning, either. Whenever Damen managed to drag himself back to consciousness in the early hours, Laurent would inevitably be propped up reading beside him in bed, or otherwise was already rising to seek out a bath and his morning meal before having to face their first meeting of the day (though sometimes he did let Damen drag him back down between the sheets to start the day off in a rather more enjoyable way, even if that tended to make them late to said first meeting).

So Damen almost never got to actually witness the practically-mythical sight of Laurent sleeping. He wasn't afforded the opportunity to brush Laurent's hair back away from his face without Laurent even being aware that Damen had done him that kindness. He didn't get to watch on fondly as Laurent squinted unselfconsciously (and adorably, Damen imagined) when the morning light streaming into their rooms would have proven too bright for Laurent's freshly-opened eyes to handle. Damen couldn't even hope to catch Laurent drooling, or snoring, or any other amusing sleep habits that Damen might be able to use as a counterpoint whenever Laurent mentioned the odd whining sound Damen apparently made whenever Laurent tried to shift more than a few inches away from Damen's body in the middle of the night.

If Damen didn't know better, he would have thought that Laurent didn't sleep at all. That was certainly how it had seemed to Damen at first, back when they'd been travelling south from Arles and Laurent had seemingly spent the whole night either wrangling his men or poring over his maps without taking a moment to pause for rest. At the time, Damen would probably have believed it if someone had told him that Laurent had just plain refused to allow himself a weakness like requiring sleep to survive. It would have been just another piece of evidence to support Damen's perception that he wasn't even human.

But Laurent _was_ human. A little too much so, in some ways. So he did sleep, obviously. Just very poorly. 

Some handful of months ago, Damen had cupped Laurent's face in one hand and gently rubbed the pad of his thumb over the dark shadows that had formed under Laurent's eyes. They were hidden beneath a layer of pale paint, just a shade off his natural skin tone. Damen wouldn't have even known the difference if he hadn't been standing so close, and if he didn't know Laurent well enough to see the other signs and to look for it. Damen had voiced his concern, then, that Laurent couldn't keep running himself ragged like this, for eventually he would collapse or fall ill from it.

Laurent had pulled away from him and refused to respond when Damen had tried to ask what the problem was, or if he could help. That had been the first time since Damen had awoken in the royal infirmary in Ios with Paschal attending to his stab wound and Laurent hovering just far enough away to let Paschal do his work that Damen had honestly felt like the wall that had once been erected between them was back in place, even if only momentarily. Things had gone back to normal once Damen had dropped the issue. He probably should have taken that as a sign to leave things be. But Damen couldn't really help himself. So when Laurent's exhaustion had grown especially obvious again a few weeks later, Damen hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut.

Laurent, on the other hand, refused to _open_ his mouth about it. 

It was a touchy subject, obviously. So much so that it seemed that Laurent wouldn't even entertain the thought of speaking with Damen on it. 

In Damen's experience, there was only one topic that remained so completely taboo between them. 

He did understand why Laurent didn't want to talk about it. It hadn't been his choice for Damen to know about it in the first place, after all. And what could Damen even have to offer if he did manage to broach that conversation? The truth? 'I'm sorry you can't sleep because you're plagued by dreams of the man who broke your trust and tried his best to break _you_ '? 'I wish I could do something to make it better, but I don't know how'? Damen had been betrayed by family too, but not in that way. It was on such an entirely different level than anything he'd personally experienced that Damen honestly didn't know how to relate to it properly. He was as likely as not to make things worse if he pushed Laurent to talk about it, probably. It seemed safer to let Laurent maintain his silence.

Safer, but not necessarily better. The dreams didn't seem to be slowing down. Not overall. There were times when Laurent seemed to be doing better, but it came in cycles, from what Damen could tell. Like right now, Laurent seemed to be going through a particularly bad patch again.

"Don't look at me like that," Laurent said when he caught Damen staring at him while he pondered what he could possibly do. "I'm fine."

Damen wasn't always very good at identifying lies, to be honest, but that one was too obvious for even him to miss. Laurent was anything but fine.

"Well, if you _weren't_ fine," was all Damen could think to say, and hesitantly at that, "that would be understandable."

Laurent laughed. It had a bitter edge to it that hurt Damen to hear. "The people who are monitoring our every breath for the slightest sign of weakness, waiting for the two of us and therefore the alliance as a whole to falter, would undoubtedly say otherwise."

"I didn't mean that you should broadcast it to _them_ , necessarily. But it's just me here. You don't have to hide with me."

"Obviously I know that. You might consider that you wouldn't have even known to ask if something was wrong in the first place if I were really intent on hiding it from you when we're alone," Laurent pointed out. "I credit myself as a better actor than that."

Well. That was a good point. Certainly, no one else was remarking on the soon-to-be King Laurent's 'ailing health' or anything similar. Not even the Veretian courtiers who were incessantly hungry for any gossip they could spread. Laurent presented himself too pristinely in public to invite any speculation of that kind. When there were any eyes but Damen's on him, he looked unquestionably sharp and strong, regardless of how heavily the exhaustion must have been weighing on him. Only Damen was allowed to see the tired slump of his shoulders. Damen was the only one who could feel how heavily Laurent leaned against Damen at the end of a long day sometimes, like Damen was the only thing left propping him up.

Laurent might very pointedly avoid putting his thoughts and feelings about his current problem into words – and particularly its underlying cause – but he was still sharing it with Damen in his own way. Maybe one day they'd find a way to progress even further than that, so that Damen could do something more than just be there. But for now, Damen supposed he could only be glad for that show of trust. Especially knowing how difficult and against his nature that was for Laurent.

"If you ever want –"

"I know," Laurent cut him off. There was no need to allow Damen to complete the offer. Laurent had to be aware that if he ever wanted or needed _anything_ at all from Damen, he only needed to ask, and to allow it. Damen couldn't promise that he would do a great job of helping with this in particular, but he would definitely still try if he was given even the slightest hint that Laurent actually wanted him to. 

Damen would just have to trust Laurent to let him know when he was ready.


End file.
